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I Believe, Y'all

As I prepare for the launch of my first book (well, technically my second book, but the first one was a warmup), I'm beginning to reflect on the last few months and how many times I almost wanted to quit. It was a total of 26 times...over a period of 4 months. It was because I was tired of feeling like this shit won't work. I have been working on becoming something amazing for the past 6 years. In fact, it was before that. TmP didn't become official until 2013, but I had thoughts of creative success and exceptional financial freedom. But then my mind would kick in and prevent me from becoming the amazing success I thought I would be.

It would always happen to me. I would feel like because things weren't working in my favor, it wasn't working. So I'd quit. I didn't believe. The last straw was another failed attempt to create an amazing joint venture with a friend of mine. The dissolution of the venture was amicable, but the feeling of failure was still the same salty wound that was opened by the thought of quitting. It hurt like hell, and although I didn't know it at the time, it was needed.

It wasn't until I let that go and the conversations with my therapist that my thought process changed. I became more aware of the losses. I became more focused. I became more understanding of the long game. In the process of finding out what it was I desired to do, I asked myself a very important question..."why are you doing this?" It took weeks to answer that seemingly simple ass question. But when I was able to, everything else became clear as a Sunday morning stroll. That is the one singular feeling that makes me believe. It's just different now. 

Going back to what I initially said about quitting 26 times in 4 months, it is simply because my negativity and sour thoughts tend to come back in the fold every once in a while. But it's okay, because once you know you have a higher purpose, nothing can stop that. I said that before. Just like I said this as well...

keep going. 


E. Lewis

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