• TmP


When will it stop?

I will be honest, it took a long time for me to get the words together to say what I want. I actually wasn’t going to say anything at all because I wanted to feel...i just didn’t know what to feel. Actually, I do know what to feel.  I'm empty right now. This past week had been a really trying week for a lot of people I know, people I don’t know.  people I do know. Family, friends, colleagues and complete strangers. This country is so damn divided that it makes me sad, angry, frustrated and …. yeah empty. I feel know how you’ve been working out so much and you’re so exhausted but you cant sleep because you’re so hyped up from the crazy workout you just had? That’s how I can explain how I feel. I actually started not to do anything about it...just lay in my sorrow and watch the news as all of this unfolds. Checking social media every minute on the minute didn’t help either. It’s hard y’all. I felt defeated...again. It's like we can’t get ahead for any reason. Here it is 2020 and we are in the midst of a global pandemic that’s killing people left and right...and you would think there would be some form of unity in this...but nope. Black people are still getting killed for senseless reasons by the hands of some police officers that don’t give a damn whether we live or die. Protect and serve doesn’t seem to apply to us and I'm just tired man. I'm just tired.

What’s more aggravating to me is there are some people out here who really don’t know why we are protesting. Why we are marching or why we’re angry. They’re very cavalier in their stance in all of this. Others are tone deaf to the idea by saying all lives matter. Let me say something about that...if you feel all lives matter, then that also means that every life matters, right? and if that’s the case, then of course that should include black lives. I should be afforded the same luxuries in this country as others are. I am a law-abiding citizen that pays his taxes and takes care of his family. But As a black man living in this country, it’s damn hard to feel like I've gotten ahead in anything simply because of what I see on tv and what I've experienced myself. As a black man, I still get tense when a police car passes me up on the road. And if one pulls me over, I'm extra nervous because a simple thought crosses my mind saying is this going to end bad for me? I shouldn’t have to live life like that. I shouldn’t have to live life with that kind of fear. I shouldn’t have to tell my daughters or my little brothers and nephews to live life like that. And that’s why I'm tired. That's why im angry. That's why I'm frustrated. 

But I will say this though. I am also thankful. Because I have friends (Black, White, Latino, Asian and all) that finally see what we go through. And they don’t think it’s right. And they're doing something about it. They're out there protesting, they’re understanding the plight of what we have to endure because of someone else’s ignorance. I am proud of the people who are out here marching and peacefully protesting also because they know it’s wrong. So that’s why I decided to do something. I decided to use my platform to voice my frustration and my thoughts because people need to understand it will get worse if we don’t do something about it. We been silent for too long. It's time to shift the narrative and do better. Be better.

 You know what else? As I was saying this, another thought came to mind. I hear a lot of people say “let’s just throw 2020 away” or “I can’t wait till 2021 to start because this year is shit...” I’m not going to subscribe to that. I'm sorry. Given everything happening right now, I still will say I'm grateful for all that has happened to me. I don’t want to throw that type of energy out because I'm a firm believer in how you start doesn’t' need to be how you finish. And you know what else? What if this is the test you are going through in your life right now? What if the rest of the year will be amazing for you, but you’re so done with this year that you cant even see the rainbow at the end of this rain? What if this is the storm you need to weather before your blessings come through? I really believe that y'all. Look, it’s scary, I know. But continue to have faith in knowing something greater is going to be there. In fact, I declare whoever is listening to this will have the best 2nd half of the year. Manifest what it is you desire, and go after that shit. Don't give up on the year yet and start fresh next year. Fuck that. You can either sit in the storm you’re in, or you can dance in it. Do what you can to make a difference in someone’s life. Now I want to give a moment of silence for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, everyone who’s lost their life to police brutality, and all the people who have died due to coronavirus. 

I thank you for allowing me to speak my mind and you listening with the intent to understand. For all my white friends, please just understand. And if you don’t, make a conscious effort to do so. Knowledge is power to the mind and ignorance is death to the mind. And to my black brothers and sisters, we shall overcome. Let's keep our foot on the gas and keep going. I thank you for listening. I love you. And I’ll see you soon.

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